Thursday, 29 August 2013

Life, and Face Value



Design Mom Collection: Louisa May Alcott "Little Women" Not Afraid of Storms Quote, Hand-Lettered Print, 5" x 7"




We all have friends.

My little group, the inner circle, consists of, with Codenames of course, Mr Bond; my fiance', and Moneypenny; my very best friend, and myself. I love them both very much, but sometimes...

You see, we have these unwritten rules. The things that you just KNOW what not to do, or to do, and how to do it.

For example:

They both get cranky if we are up too late on a work night.
Apparently, arguing while playing co-op video games is NOT arguing.
Moneypenny is always the banker in Monopoly.
I have to plan everything down to the letter otherwise they will never leave the house.
If you think someone is talking bullshit, you point them out on said bullshit, then watch as they try and justify their response, THEN you smile and nod.
Never taunt each others ships. Except in Mr Bond's case, you sink them.
Do not draw attention to Mr Bond's man crushes on Hugh Jackman, Robert Downey Jr, and Thor (Not Chris Hemsworth, just Thor).

And we all have those certain topics that we can NOT for the life of us, talk about. Less it dissolve into a massive argument of epic proportions.

Religion
Politics
Money
Moneypenny's inability to hear her own squeaks

AND

Weight loss

We try to never talk about weight loss. Everyone has differing opinions. Which is perfectly fine.

For Moneypenny's family, weight loss surgery has done wonders for her mother, who had very bad insulin resistant diabetes. She is practically cured, and has lost an enormous amount of weight.

For my family however, surgery has done the opposite. For my mother had the surgery done twice, the second time she basically erased her medical history and visited new doctors and surgeons. Both times she hovered over the brink of death.

Personally, unless I was in a life or death situation, I would not touch weight loss surgery with a ten foot pole.

And I like to think that that is okay.

What I do NOT like, however, is being told that no one really has a very good chance of loosing weight without surgery.

Or that I should 'really think about doing something too'.

People, sometimes, take things too much for face value. Even when you know a person well. Sometimes you look at something, and take it for what you see. I doubt there is a person alive that does not do this at one time or another.

But it doesn't make it hurt any less.

Being told that I 'should really think about doing something', when I am already getting up at three am to go to the gym before work five days a week, and five am on a weekend to fit in a Japanese Yoga class before all my washing and housework.

Being told that I 'should really think about doing something', when I am mixing vegetable puree into everything I make, and bulking all my meals up with vegetables and vitamins and fiber in a desperate attempt to make my already healthy food healthier. Making myself miserable by denying myself anything that I normally love, and feeling even worse when I eventually cave.

Being told that I 'should really think about doing something', when I'm afraid to sit down when I'm around other people, because they might think I am too lazy and unhealthy to keep going. When I refuse to eat in front of people that I do not know, just in case they think I am too fat to eat.

But then sometimes, the pot calls the kettle black because they feel bad about falling into a rut themselves.

I doubt that that comment was meant to be said in a mean way, but my heart takes things different ways.

But I can not help but be affected by those words. I have a wedding that I am planning for. There in lies the time limit. I have two years to loose all the weight I can so I do not look like a marshmallow walking down the aisle.

Saying that I can not loose weight successfully without surgery?

Those are fighting words.

So now I have the power. I am going to prove her wrong. I can going to prove to her, and to everyone, that I can get healthy without relying on butchering my internal organs. I refuse to use what I think is meant to be for the very sick and unfortunate, just so I can loose the weight.

I want to do this on my own, not by having all the hard work done for me.

Oh, I will fail sometimes. I will gain weight instead of loose, some weeks. I will slip up and devour an entire box of chocolates or tub of ice cream. Not put in as much effort at the gym. But to fail is to be human, and as long as I get back on track, then have a I really failed?

I am going to prove to myself that I can be strong and motivated, and that I have the power to change my own fate.

This is not about weight anymore. This is about making myself feel good, making myself feel proud.

In the end, if someone elects to have surgery to help them, then I will not judge them.

But I am my own person, and I will do it my own way. Even if it means that the only person who believes in me at the start, is me.



2 comments:

Midday? Morning? Afternoon? Middle of the night? I always appreciate comments!

Just keep it positive :)