Sunday, 17 November 2013

Chocolate Addiction

So, let's talk about addiction.

When you realise something that you love, isn't so much a love anymore, but something you feel like you desperately need.

In my adult life, sugar has never really been a problem. I have no desire for candy or anything like that.

But chocolate? That's a different story.

It seems so hard to admit, you know? That a food can make me loose all self control. But it has, and I thought I was getting myself back on track.

This week, on the way home, after work each day, I bought myself a Mint Pattie. And I was only allowed to eat it when I had finished a whole bottle of water first.

And it worked. It soothed my cravings.

That was until yesterday.

I never should have walked down that isle. I was upset and missing my family. I hadn't gone to the gym the day before because I had so much to do at home. I had slept for fourteen hours because I was so tired and aching, which made me even more tired and sore.

So I bought two blocks of Bubbly chocolate and ate most of them within an hour.

Oh man, you do know how sick I felt after all that?

I woke up this morning feeling still so bloated that I didn't want to get up.

But I guess, this is what I needed to make myself realise that even though I FEEL like I need it, my body doesn't want it anymore.

After I finished the vacuuming this morning, I had the last two rows of bubbly.

And it felt good. That old feeling of GOOD. Not, I NEED IT.

So this is the challenge I am setting myself this week.

IDENTIFY the triggers.
I ate so much chocolate because I feeling upset, I used food as comfort. I need to notice these triggers so I can avoid the temptation.

AVOID the temptation.
These feelings usually hit me after work. I walk out of work most days a wound up ball of tension. And there are THREE chocolate stores on the way to the bus stop. THREE. So when I feel like I am going to cave, and will avoid these parts of the walk instead.
SATE the cravings.
Before I hop on the bus, there is a Coles. Making sure my bottle of water is filled before I leave work, I have been popping in, walking straight to the registers to avoid temptation of buying anything else, and purchasing a tiny chocolate. I think I will keep on doing, because as I have discovered, cold turkey is bad for me, it makes me angry and cranky and winds up with a massive binge. I have limited myself to only buying ONE of the little tiny chocolates. While the first few weeks of cravings hit me really hard. And to be honest, I don't trust myself doing anything else.

NOT FEELING GUILTY for the little bit a day.
 This week, I was really naughty. I admit it. At the beginning of the week, I had bought myself something I wanted for a long time, a proper fitness journal, where I can record everything that I eat and everything I do at the gym. And in a moment of pure idiocy and self hate, I wrote things in the margins like, 'No one likes a fat Doctor Who fan!' or 'If you eat chocolate today, you will be an UGLY BRIDE!' and my all time favourite, 'Don't want to look like a Marshmallow in a white dress? DON'T FUCKING EAT CHOCOLATE YOU LITTLE SHIT.'

And what did I do the whole week when I was limiting myself to one little bit a day? Feeling guilty about it! I will not let myself be overcome by guilt because of it! No no no!

My trainers at the gym say that I should try cutting out as much sugar as I can for a month. And see how I feel afterwards. And if you must have that something, give yourself the time to make it yourself. So you know exactly what goes into it. So the timer starts now! I'm going to cut out as much sweetness as I can, for this month, and once the Christmas season really hits, I can hopefully put my will power to the test so I don't overindulge.

Of course, my Christmas treats will ALL be homemade! Now that is something I am looking forward to blogging about!

Have you ever felt like you have been addicted to a food? Maybe the Internet? Social media? Television? Soft drinks? What steps did you take to overcome it?


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