Thursday, 13 February 2014

Journey into the tube of Claustrophobia

So about three weeks ago, my right arm went numb.

Well that's certainly something that shouldn't happen!

But then it spread, to three of fingers, down my leg and hip, across the back of my shoulders, down my other forearm, a slight dusting on the tops of my feet.

That REALLY shouldn't happen!

So I went to a few doctors, and they all said, nah, its just a pinched nerve, you'll get better! Just leave it.

Well, then the pain started.

So the next doctor finally believed me, and went, right, lets do some scans and see this nice man at Manly hospital and hopefully he can give you some answers because you baffle me.

So they slid me into an MRI machine to do some scans on my spine and back, and of course they couldn't fit the headphones into the contraption that holds your head in place, so all I heard for an hour was BANG BANG BANG DRILL WHIIIRRRRR.

I was presented with these interesting looking scans and spent the weeks between sessions trying to figure out all the interesting and life changing things that could possibly be wrong with me, considering I was currently a mystery to my doctor.

Turns out that I am a mystery to the Head of the Neurological Department at Manly hospital too.

Isn't that wonderful?

He really was a lovely man, as he poked and prodded me and stuck me with sharp pointy objects to test my feeling in my limbs. As lovely as a medical man who pokes and prods you can be.

And at the end of the session, when he looked over my scans, I held by breath to be diagnosed with some horrible sensory eating disease that only someone (with an Internet connection and a mother who has been through so many hospitals and has had so many things wrong with her and had an entire medical journal written about her) like me could have.

He turned to me and said he was baffled by me as well.

And I let out an exhausted HA!

He then sat down in his chair opposite me, and handed me two pieces of paper. One was a referral to have an Nerve Conduction Study done, and another to be stuffed back inside the great tube of claustrophobia to have an MRI done on my brain.

'Just to see if everything is alright in your head. Nothing to worry about.'

Of course, my brain didn't register this until I was walking to the doctors to book in the said journey into the tube of claustrophobia.

My brain? They want to scan my brain?

Oh god, what's wrong with my brain?!

I rang my my boss up in tears, asking if I could leave early tomorrow, but she gave me the whole day, and I then went straight home and ate a whole packet of mini kinder Easter eggs.

Now that I am sitting here, all calmed down and not thinking my brain is a ticking time bomb, I'm just a little bit relieved.

But mostly just frustrated and feeling numb. Literally feeling numb.

You know, when there is something wrong with your body? And you KNOW there is something wrong with your body? But the people with no medical training keep telling you what it is, and those who actually count, can't tell you anything?

I'm aching and numb and its so uncomfortable and I'm AFRAID. When all this first happened, I thought I was having a heart attack. Now it's been almost a month of underlying fear.

And I have to wait even longer to get all these tests done.

And pay a whole of money, eight hundred dollars, for the privilege.

But when it comes down to your health? You can't really count the cost.

For now, I just want to think happy thoughts.

And I've got a two day head start to my holiday!

I guess there is that.


  1. Keeping you in my thoughts sweetheart and hoping you get some answers soon, answers that are positive and not at all scary.

    Love you xoxo

    1. At the moment, I just want answers! My kingdom for some answers! I hope everything turns out okay too. Keep the scary away from me!



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